Toxic Parents : Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life

by Craig Faustus Buck and Susan Forward

Book Overview

When you were a child... Did your parents tell you were bad or worthless? Did your parents use physical pain to discipline you? Did you have to take care of your parents because of their problems? Were you frightened of your parents? Did your parents do anything to you that had to be kept secret? Now that you are an adult... Do your parents still treat you as if you were a child? Do you have intense emotional or physical reactions after spending time...

Customer Reviews

Groundbreaking and Not to be MIssed!

Toxic Parents is a great resource for anyone who is suffering abuse at the hands of a parent. Susan Forward is an internationally recognized therapist and writer, who has also hosted her own ABC talk radio program. As the director of Luke 17: 3 Ministries, a ministry for Adult Daughters of Abusive or Controlling Birth-Families, I must say that, next to the Bible itself, I have found Toxic Parents to be an invaluable resource for dealing with relatives who will destroy you if you allow it. When you love a family member, and treat them with love, it is hard to understand, or believe, that they would return your love with abuse and maliciousness. But unfortunately, that is reality for many of us, and this book helps us to come to terms with that, and protect ourselves from our family's destructiveness. Do your parents still treat you like a child? Do they control you with threats or guilt or manipulate you with money? Does it seem that no matter what you do, it's never good enough? As a child, did you have to take care of your parents because of their problems? Do you still? Toxic Parents explains the dynamics of a dysfunctional family in a very easy-to-read format. Types of toxic parents are discussed in detail, such as inadequate parents, controllers, alcoholics, verbal, physical, and sexual abusers, as well as the family system and why parents behave this way. Some topics covered are: Spoken and Unspoken Rules, Obedience No Matter What, I Don't Know Where You End and I Begin, No One in This Family is an Alcoholic, The Family Balancing Act, and Fear of Anger. We are shown the rigid mechanisms by which toxic parents cope, such as Denial, Projection (accusing or blaming the child), Sabotage, Triangling (confiding in or enlisting the child against someone else), and Keeping Secrets. The reader is given steps to reclaim her life and instruction on assertiveness, how to state what you are or are not willing to do, and how to confront your parent, including old, ill, or deceased parents. The chapters on confrontation are especially valuable, teaching what to expect and how to handle your parents' reactions( 'It never happened', 'It was your fault','I said I was sorry', 'We did the best we could','Look what we did for you', etc.), as well as your siblings' reactions and reactions from other assorted relatives. Toxic Parents teaches you that you are not responsible for your parents' behavior, teasing, neglect, abuse, or unhappiness, their problems, or their choice to do nothing to solve their problems. Your parents are responsible for their own lives and their own actions. This book will help you decide what kind of a relationship, if any, you can have with your parents. It helped me recognize much of what was going on in my own dysfunctional birth-family, and is a very valuable tool for anyone who needs help in understanding and freeing herself from a situation that is poisoning her life. It will open

This is a helpful book.

I recently realized how much my super-negative parents were affecting me. I bought this book and it made me feel a lot better. First, the author describes the different types of abusive parents. Just seeing actions that my parents did on that list validated my feelings. Also, she describes how to heal. There are various exercises you can do, so you should definitely buy this book. Some of the chapters weren't applicable, but anyone who feels they had even "just" Emotionally Toxic Parents can benefit from it.

This book can help you figure yourself out.

My life changed after I read this book in 1988. I finally understood how my childhood shaped my adult life. I was able to forgive my parents for some of their behaviors toward me and my siblings. I don't care what they do with their lives, I just learned how to not let their dysfunctional behavior affect my life any longer. I recently gave a copy of the book to my husband who also grew up in a dysfunctional family. He is not even finished with the book and has already come to a new understanding of his life. It has already started helping him break the grip of a controlling parent. He is really letting go.We decided that we weren't going to continue the cycle that was started by our parents. We intend to raise our child in an emotionally healthy environment.I recommend this book to everybody who wants to take control of their feelings and their life.